Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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