Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
