went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
