Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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