Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
