It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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