I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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