I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
