Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
