and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
