i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
