Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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