ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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