i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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