No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
