where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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