We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I party with great urgency now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
