And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize