her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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