like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
