I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So squirting runs in the family.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
