He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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