Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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