Your tits are I can't wait for
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think people are normalizing furries
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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