finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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