Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
