If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
