Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
