let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
