Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
