Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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