I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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