I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
