I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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