I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
