how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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