On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
