shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
