She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
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You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
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Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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