i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My balls are so social today.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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