Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
