If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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