I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
