Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
