Fuck appropriateness.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
