fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I love having hate sex.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
