My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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