you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
