At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My vagina just recognized that song.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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