I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
