help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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