fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
