I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
