just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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