so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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