I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
