I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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