I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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