PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
