the day after is always just damage control
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
