I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So many bounce houses so little time
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
