So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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