Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
