I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i've created a new STD.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
