the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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