Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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