I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
