The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
