It's like God shit irony all over that family
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
