Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
