So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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